Embrace the power of no to improve your life and financial health.
Do you find yourself constantly saying yes and then instantly regretting it? The words, 'Sure, yes, why not?' flow out of your mouth, but your mind screams, 'No way!'
You're not alone. Many of us have been there, caught in the cycle of people-pleasing and fearing the consequences of saying no. However, what if I told you that learning to say no and setting personal boundaries is not only okay but can dramatically improve your life, the lives of those around you, and, dare I say, your money life?
Why We Say Yes When We Should Say No
Often, we say yes out of Fear, obligation, or a desire to avoid conflict. The short-term comfort of agreeing to someone else's request can lead to long-term stress, resentment, and more than a touch of frustration.
Stop saying yes to everyone else and start saying yes to yourself by using the power of the intentional 'yes' versus the habitual or obligatory 'yes' I'll also teach you how to discern between the two.
The Fears Underpinning Our 'Yes'
Saying yes when we want to say no is often a symptom of deeper fears:
Fear of conflict or anger
Fear of being disliked
Fear of rejection or abandonment
Fear of losing control or not being needed
These fears can trap us in a cycle of people-pleasing, making us feel like we must agree to every request to maintain harmony and approval. But here's a crucial insight: people-pleasers aren't broken. We've learned these behaviours as coping mechanisms to feel safe and avoid discomfort. Now, as adults, we can make conscious choices about our responses.
The Power of the Intentional 'Yes'
An intentional 'yes' aligns with your strengths, values, and passions. It feels right because it comes from a place of authenticity and self-awareness. Let me share a story.
My People Pleasing Light Bulb Moment
A friend of mine had a significant birthday, and I agreed to help throw a party for her. That was a bad idea. Organising large events wasn't my strong suit, and it left me feeling overwhelmed. The resulting party was not my finest hour. Had I said no at the outset, as my gut told me to, she would have had a much better party, and I would have been less stressed.
Another time, that same friend asked me to help her organise her finances and create a cash flow so she could free up money for investing while still living her life and saving. I jumped at it. This was not work for me; it lit me up and left me energised, and my friend had the peace of mind and confidence for the first time in her life that she could actually hope to feel good about her money. It was a win-win and deepened a friendship.
The different experiences for both my friends and me in each instance were profound. One task aligned with my values, and one did not. One played to my strengths and interests, while the other didn't. One brought us closer together, and one weakened our friendship.
Say yes to things that align with who you are and no to more of the things that do not. By doing this, you are creating boundaries.
"Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others." Brené Brown
Why Boundaries Matter
Setting boundaries allows you to conserve your energy for what truly matters. When you say no to things that drain you, you create space for the activities and commitments that bring you joy and fulfilment. This not only lifts you but everyone around you, as you can show up more fully and authentically. It's a liberating feeling, knowing that you're not obligated to everything that comes your way. It's like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders, giving you the freedom to focus on what truly matters to you.
How to Set and Maintain Boundaries
Here are some practical steps to help you start setting healthy boundaries. Don't be afraid to lean into them:
Identify Your Priorities: Know what truly matters to you. This clarity will guide your decisions and help you discern when to say no.
Practice Saying No: Start small. Politely decline requests that don't align with your priorities. It gets easier with practice.
Communicate Clearly: Be honest and direct about your boundaries. People respect clarity.
Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Setting boundaries is a learning process, and making mistakes along the way is okay.
Seek Support: Surround yourself with people who respect your boundaries and encourage your growth.
The Ripple Effect of Saying No
Saying no when necessary benefits you and allows others to step into roles they are better suited for. By saying no to tasks outside your zone of genius, you make room for others to shine, fostering a more collaborative and thriving environment. It's a powerful act of self-empowerment and kindness, knowing that you have the control to say no when it's in your best interest.
It also gives others permission to be true to themselves by following your lead.
Embrace the Freedom of Boundaries
If you are constantly overwhelmed by obligations, events, time sucks that don't serve you. You risk running on empty all of the time. That is not a fun place to be, particularly since we only get one shot at this big, beautiful life. Why spend it doing things that you don't enjoy?
A life where your yes is intentional and aligned with your true self. This is the freedom that comes with setting boundaries. It's a powerful act of self-love and respect that reverberates positively through all areas of your life. It's a testament to your self-worth and a declaration of putting yourself at the centre of your life.
Start today.
Draw a line in the sand, your first proper boundary. Practice saying 'no' to what doesn't serve you and 'yes' to what does. Start today. You'll find that your life—and the lives of those around you—will be richer and more fulfilling for it.
Here's why...
The Financial Benefits of Harnessing the Power of Saying No and Setting Boundaries
Saying no and setting boundaries isn't just about reducing stress and improving relationships; it can also positively impact your financial life.
Here's how:
Preventing Draining Finances
When you continually say yes to every request, you can be wasting your time and money. Whether you're lending money to friends, buying gifts out of obligation, or participating in activities you can't afford, these actions drain your bank account quickly and in ways you don't enjoy! By setting boundaries, you protect your finances from unnecessary spending that doesn't bring value.
Example: Instead of feeling compelled to attend every work event, you can set a clear boundary and only attend when you genuinely want to, giving you time back and saving money in the process.
Focusing on High-Value Activities
Setting boundaries allows you to focus on activities with a higher return on investment (ROI). This means prioritising events and opportunities that give you fun memories, make you smile and feel like your money was well spent rather than getting sidetracked by activities you'll want to forget as soon as possible.
Example: You've been invited to five different events. Three are exciting and you really want to go to, but two are out of obligation or because you feel like you 'should. Gracefully bow out of the latter two and bring your A-game to the former three.
Improving Time Management
Time is money. By saying no to distractions and low-priority tasks, you free up time for things that can increase your income, such as further education, side projects, or investing.
Example: Instead of spending evenings helping a friend move (again), you could take an online course to level up your skills and boost your earning potential.
"You have to learn to say no without feeling guilty. Setting boundaries is healthy. You need to learn to respect and take care of yourself." Oprah Winfrey
Enhancing Negotiation Power
Setting boundaries in negotiations and financial transactions empowers you to hold out for better deals and advocate for your worth. When you're not desperate to please, you can negotiate from a position of strength.
Example: If you receive a job offer with a salary that doesn't meet your expectations, setting a boundary allows you to negotiate for better pay or walk away if your needs aren't met.
or
You've been invited to a wedding you don't want to attend but feel you have no option. Agree to attend but for a shorter time and leave early, thus meeting the obligation while gaining back a good night's sleep, the cost of an expensive overnight stay, and the additional expenses that tend to go along with it. You'll wake up the next day refreshed and ready to take on the world!
Reducing Impulse Spending
You can resist the pressure to spend money to fit in or meet others' expectations by setting boundaries. This helps you stick to your budget and save more effectively, and when you do spend money, you enjoy it more and get great value from it.
Example: You don't need another face cream or eyeliner. No one can tell the difference anyway, and there will always be a new trend next week.
Building Financial Confidence
Learning to say no builds your confidence in making financial decisions that are right for you. This confidence can lead to better financial habits and more strategic planning. Plus, you'll feel great!
Example: Being confident enough to turn down an impulse buy or event that will leave you drained and bored can lead to greater self-worth and long-term financial health.
Your Win | How it Works | Here's a Scenario |
Your Finances won't get Drained | Saying yes to every request can drain your finances through obligatory spending, so setting boundaries helps protect your money from unnecessary and unenjoyable expenses. | Setting a clear boundary to attend only work events you genuinely want to can save you time and money. |
You get to focus on High-Value Activities | Setting boundaries lets you prioritise activities with a higher ROI, ensuring your time and money are spent on enjoyable and memorable experiences. | You've been invited to 5 events - attend the three events you’re excited about and gracefully decline the two you feel obligated to attend. |
Your Time Management will Improve | By saying no to distractions and low-priority tasks, you free up time for income-boosting activities like further education, side projects, or investing. | Instead of helping a friend move (again), use your evenings to take an online course and enhance your earning potential. |
Your Negotiation Power will be Enhanced | Setting boundaries in negotiations empowers you to secure better deals and advocate for your worth by negotiating from a position of strength. | Setting boundaries enables you to negotiate for better pay or walk away from a job offer that doesn't meet your salary expectations. |
You will Reduce Impulse Spending | Setting boundaries helps you resist spending pressure, stick to your budget, save more effectively, and enjoy greater value from your spending. | You don't need more beauty products since trends constantly change and no one notices the difference. |
You will Build Financial Confidence | Learning to say no boosts your confidence in making sound financial decisions, leading to better habits, strategic planning, and an overall sense of satisfaction. | Confidently turning down impulse buys or draining events enhances your self-worth and supports long-term financial health. |
You will Create a Healthy Money Mindset | Setting boundaries fosters a healthy relationship with money by encouraging mindful spending and investing, leading to a more fulfilling life. | Feeling empowered to save for your future or invest in meaningful opportunities is better than feeling guilty for not supporting every cause or request. |
Financial Independence can be a Possibility for You | Boundaries promote financial independence by encouraging reliance on your own judgment and priorities, which is essential for long-term stability and growth. | By not feeling obligated to contribute to every group activity or trip, you can build an emergency fund or invest in personal development. |
Creating a Healthy Money Mindset
Setting boundaries helps you develop a healthy relationship with money, recognising that your financial resources are limited and must be used wisely. This mindset shift encourages more mindful spending and investing, over time, creating a life truly love.
Example: Instead of feeling guilty for not spending money on every cause or request, you can feel empowered to save for your future or invest in meaningful opportunities.
Encouraging Financial Independence
Boundaries foster financial independence by teaching you to rely on your judgment and priorities rather than seeking validation from others. This independence is crucial for long-term financial stability and growth.
Example: You can build an emergency fund or invest in personal development by not feeling obligated to contribute financially to every group activity or trip.
Final Thoughts
Harnessing the power of saying no and setting boundaries is crucial to financial empowerment. It helps you protect your resources, prioritise high-value activities, and build a confident, healthy relationship with money.
By identifying your financial priorities and practising assertive communication, you can stay true to your financial goals. The positive ripple effects will level up not only your financial life but also your overall well-being.
While people-pleasing may seem like the appropriate action to take, it generally isn't the right path for you. Ultimately, this leaves you feeling disempowered and a victim of circumstance and obligation. By embracing the power of boundaries and learning to say no, you open the door to a more balanced, authentic, and joyful life. It's time to prioritise yourself and make room for what truly matters.
Curious to find your path to Financial Freedom? Get the Rise Money newsletter for weekly tips and behind-the-scenes content. Let's grow and learn together!
Comments