Learn to discern helpful advice from noise and keep your goals in sight.
For the longest time, I was sure I was right, but I was wrong.
For most of my life, I believed everyone else knew more than I did. I devoured every piece of advice that came my way, thinking it would pave the path to success. It was only over time that I realised not all advice is created equal. The source, context, and experience behind the advice matter vastly.
Let me share what I've learned about filtering through unsolicited advice the hard way.
We've all been there: receiving unsolicited money advice from friends, family, the man in the street. It is often packaged in a well-meant way and might seem great advice at the time. But all too often leading us to doubt ourselves and second-guess our decisions. Maybe your loved ones just don’t get what you do or what you want from your life. Maybe they mean well but end up causing more confusion and self-doubt. The advice sounded so great and plausible, it worked for the other person why didn’t it work for me?
That's when we start thinking that we are at fault and we’re the ones that failed.
People love to give advice. It's a hobby for most of us. But well-meaning "advice" from friends and family often doesn’t feel so supportive.
Here are a few examples:
"Honey, wouldn’t you be better off going back to your job?"
"I’m just not sure you can make a living doing that."
"My friend tried investing, and he FAILED... (and now he lives under a bridge!)"
"Living is for now so spend it while you can, you were never good with money anyway"
When I walked away from my 16-year career to embark on a No Spend Year™, the unsolicited advice-o-meter was off the charts and rarely was it a positive experience. I needed the skin of a Rhino to get through that time in my life.
At critical times in your money journey, you are incredibly vulnerable to this kind of negativity. It can feel nearly impossible to tell people that you just don’t want to hear it.
Yet, sharing your ambitions with loved ones is natural. We want to share our life's ups and downs with others but how can we do it without feeling worse than we did at the beginning?
Why does this dynamic exist and how to handle it?
Why Do We Get Unsolicited Advice?
A few years ago, most of the ways to save and spend money in the ways we do now, did not exist! Just imagine what your family thinks: “Oh, Kel just talks to people on the internet about their money blocks.” Sounds weird, right? Your grandmother might think you're doing something dodgy, and your sister might believe blogging is a made-up thing. It’s not their fault. Their world is different, and they might not fully understand yours.
The most important factor to money success
The most important factor for success is your mindset. Listening to negative comments from people you care about can quickly derail your positive energy. We already have our own negative chatter; we don’t need external negativity too.
Are You Inviting Unwanted Feedback?
Are you oversharing about your money? Maybe you're hoping for a gold star or a pat on the back.
Are your friends and family financially successful people? Do they study money as much as you do?
Do your loved ones really understand the minute details of your money?
If the answers to these are no, then don’t share everything unless you're ready to hear potentially unwanted advice. Unless Uncle Dave is either an ideal client or an expert in your field, his thoughts on your money goals and life plan just don’t matter. Sorry, Uncle Dave!
Get your advice from people who have been where you are or are way ahead of where you are. Get your money feedback from a coach or mastermind group, not from family and friends.
"Be careful whose advice you buy but be patient with those who supply it Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past From the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts And recycling it for more than it's worth"
Nigel Andrew Swanston / Tim Cox - The Sunscreen Song
Three Strategies to Handle Unsolicited Advice
Focus on the Positive:
If someone asks how your money plan/saving goal is going and you know they might say something triggering, just smile and say, "It's great, thank you for asking!" Even if they ask something specific, like, "How much are you saving or what debt do you have?" You can still answer with, "It's great—thanks for asking." Remember, your family doesn't need to know everything about your money.
Turn the Question Around:
If you need to avoid a potentially negative comment, ask them questions instead. "Money is great, thank you! How’s everything in your job/life?" People love talking about themselves.
Change the Subject:
If you know someone is likely to trigger you, change the subject before they can get started. Practice saying something like, "Everything's great, thanks. Got any holidays planned?"
Remember, it’s important to have a safe place to share wins and get feedback on challenges. That’s why I recommend having a mastermind group of like-minded persons or a well-screened money coach to help navigate the ups and downs of money.
Trust Your Own Wisdom and Experience
You’re in the money trenches every day, so you know what you need.
Here's a bonus tip: My family didn't understand what I did until I wrote a book. THAT they understood! So, self-publish an ebook, or get yourself a publisher and then Grandma can tell her friends at Bingo that her granddaughter is an author rather than "some weird online thing."
Setting boundaries and managing unsolicited advice is crucial for maintaining a positive mindset and staying on track with your money goals. It’s time to trust yourself and keep moving forward in your journey.
You’ve got this!
Curious to find your path to Financial Freedom? Get the Rise Money newsletter here for weekly tips and behind-the-scenes content.
Comments